Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A New Kind of Honesty

This post is going to have to be "the little entry that could" because I have a whole bunch of odds and ends I need to get done before tomorrow morning and not a lot of time to do them in, and I am working really hard on letting my yes's be the blog is taking the backseat tonight. But none-the-less, I read an interesting point and I wanted to make sure that I shared it with you.

When I first read the title, I anticipated that we would be talking about honesty as we've always known it. i.e. Telling the truth is good. Telling a lie is bad. Well, that was still the overarching message, but the author put an interesting spin on what truth is and what lies are. In general, people think about lies as bad, nasty, and mean. Truths are shiny, pure, and right. But the author mentioned that neglecting to tell someone a hard truth and covering it up with a white lie (or completely ignoring/avoiding the situation altogether)is just as harmful.

That means that when someone acts like a grade-A jerk, we should confront them about it in a loving way rather than telling them we are fine and trying to work through it on our own time. I don't do that.
That means when something is weighing on our mind, we need to share it instead of harboring it. I don't do that either.
And that means that if something will be uncomfortable to say and is bound to start an argument, it is better to say it than to lie in order to avoid a confrontation. I certainly don't do that!

And while it's hard to accept, it also makes a lot of sense. The sentence from the reading tonight that struck me was this one: "Whether a little white lie or a blantantly selfish deceit, we cave in to dishonesty because we'd rather not give the conversational time and energy it would take to be honest." Basically, when you tell someone "I'm fine" when you're not, you are really saying "I don't feel like you are worth my time or energy right now." Let that sit with you for a minute...

I truly believe that a big majority of lies that people tell are not told with the intention to hurt anyone else, but with the intention of helping the lie-teller. Whether to promote that person or make them seem more cool or to help them avoid starting a nasty conversation--or a hard one. But no matter the reason for the lie, it is still a lie. Therefore, it is bad, nasty, mean...

Now one bit I disagree with the author on here, I really do think there are exceptions to this rule.
To all the fellas:
If the woman in your life asks you if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat, the answer is always NO!!!
If your wife burns a supper, you eat it like it is the best thing you've ever tasted, and when she asks you if it tastes alright, you say YES!!!

(I'm sure there might be a few others here, and if you can think of any, be sure to add them for me!)

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