Thursday, March 20, 2014

This One is for Me(me)

So my husband was not a fan of my last blog. Not because he didn't like the message, but because apparently husbands do not like it if their wives tell the world about their under-thingys. Who knew??

Of course, I want my husband to like everything I do--or at least not to dislike it--and I am a girl, so I cried. And when he asked me why I was crying, I said it was because he didn't like my blog. And nobody else did either. After a few more minutes of my pity talk, my husband hugged me and said, "You're right. No one really likes your blog the way you want them to, because it's your blog. And it's about you and your thoughts, and your kids, and your husband, and your life. And you don't tell anyone how to cook or workout or dress. And you don't post stupid pictures about cats."

I thought about what he said and about how he was right. (He usually is, but don't tell him I said so.) People may not like my blog, but I won't ever change it. However, that doesn't mean I can't have fun every once in a while with it. (After all, that's the beauty of this whole thing.) So I hope you like this one. And if you don't, it's okay, because this one is for me.

I remember the first night I decided to sit down and blog. (I've talked about this before, I know.) I was sitting around way too late watching Julie and Julia, and she said something along the lines of "I can write! I have thoughts!" I always laugh out loud at that way too loudly. It's a funny line, but I don't think it's supposed to be that funny. However, I always laugh because I cross-reference it in my mind with that movie Easy A, where the teacher is like:
"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought...but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof."

Comedy gold.

I had very young children at that time and craved adult conversation. I was on Facebook a lot. And let's be honest; Facebook blurbs aren't really conversations. So I would try to say actual things, and I would always get that stupid "read more" tab attached to my status updates which no one ever clicks on because we're all scrolling for stupid cat pictures. So in my sleepy stupor I thought to myself, "I have thoughts. I could write!" And so I did. I was pretty sure that my first post would be received like this:

But instead, it generated lots of positive feedback, so I kept writing. I am very green in terms of motherhood, marriage, religion, humanity...I am by no means an expert on any subject. I just write what I know. And it turns out I don't know a whole heck of a lot, so mostly I just write what I feel. Whether people love it or hate it is yet to be determined, but for some reason, people keep clicking on the link. It is possible that none of my actual friends are clicking on these links in which case,

(And it's okay if you are. If the blog title is any indicator, then you are in the right place.)

Whoever you are, thank you for allowing me to continue having adult conversations with myself.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't care whether or not my words resonated with other people. Lord knows I try to put up a big front.

But I have been (strangely) fortunate enough to know when my blogs are well received. And so when they aren't I am more like:

I didn't actually make this one. Best money on professional photos ever spent!

I have watched really talented people jump start all sorts of things all around me. Part of me wishes I could have one of those random success stories just doing something I love--Like when Julie writes for months with no following and then becomes a published writer. I wish that was my story.

But it's not my story. And it probably never will be.

Every now and then, I think about throwing in the towel. The blog was something I started on a whim that hasn't really done anything other than suck a few hours of my life out of every week. Or every other week. Or every other month. (Because as you know, I'm not all that consistent.) And about the time I resolve to give it up altogether, something deep inside of me goes like this:

And then I'm at it again--writing broken, run on sentences about something random that is totally impacting me at that moment and means absolutely nothing to anyone else...or something that someone else completely disagrees with.

Sorry, it's just that I am still butt-hurt about the last blog...

Never mind how there is a whole book in the Bible that references how God used a woman's physical beauty as a platform to save her people.

You're right, kids. I don't care.


Thanks. And I know :)

The thing is, it's okay if you don't like or relate to my blogs. Sometimes I don't like my blogs or relate to them anymore either. So I go back and edit them. Or sometimes, I outright change my mind and delete them. But now I finally get what this blog is all about. It's about a girl who is very green in terms of motherhood, marriage, religion, humanity...and her own personal evolution into womanhood.

And not that it's any of your business, but I decided not to wear the rubber boobies to the ball.

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