Saturday, November 5, 2011

Say Yes to Integrity

Say no to hypocricy= recognizing the plank in your own eye
Say yes to integrity= removing the plank

It is not enough to merely see it and admit to it. We have to act in order to change it.

Toward the end of tonight's reading, there was the following verse:

"I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should." (Psalm 101:2)

Could there be a clearer prayer for a mother?!
I know there is no such thing as a "perfect parent," but oh, how I long to be one! I feel like all I ever talk about on this blog is my own parenting woes--but I am a stay at home mom with two strong-willed preschoolers, so that's what you get here at the crazy woman driver! And thus, another poor parenting saga begins...

Today was not a great day for me. It was no one person's fault in particular. I just had a bunch of little things sneak up on me and it was interfering with/ altogether ruining my plans. Needless to say, I was in a pretty testy mood. Thank goodness my children were on their best behavior today, until...
...not sure what possessed my daughter to do it, but she had 2 accidents tonight within an hour of eachother. I went off on her like a firecracker. She is four. We should be over this by now.
I was so infuriated, I didn't know what to do with myself--or her. I made her hop into the shower and I did my best to clean the mess while at the same time making sure her brother didn't run right into the middle of it. I am not exactly sure what I said to Sammi as I was talking to her. I just know that whatever it was, it was said very loudly.
By the time the kid and the clothes and the bathmat and the floor(s) were all cleaned up, my throat hurt really badly...but not as much as my heart. I hate it when I let my anger get the best of me. And I really, really hate it when I take my anger out on my kids.

I should be over that by now.

After I made myself calm down, I apologized to Sammi (once again) and let her know that even though I was very disappointed, I should not have yelled at her like I did. Sammi, being the incredibly intuitive little lady that she is, asked me, "Mommy, sometimes do you get so angry that the yell just has to come out?"

There is a time to yell. When you are at a sporting event. When you are cheering for someone on a stage. When you are in a crowded room and need to get a group's attention. When your dog is chasing a rabbit through the neighborhood. When your child is running away from you into the street... but I shouldn't always let myself get so angry that "the yell just has to come out."

Dear Heavenly Father,
I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should.

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