The key point from the reading tonight was that we are either humbling ourselves before God and trusting that He will take care of all our needs or "sliding into a do-it-yourself religion."
I often find myself wavering between those two points.
The title of my blog is "crazy woman driver" and I really, really am. When you are driving down the road and thinking to yourself, "what in the world is that person doing?"...you are probably talking about me. So, needless to say, I have had an encounter or two where I have found myself in a dangerous situation. Once I was driving my husband's trusty rusty red truck and had failed to notice that the air in the tire was WAY too low. And when I say low, I mean that the car was literally bouncing down the highway. Most people would have noticed the tire, or at least noticed the bouncing and pulled the truck over. A crazy woman driver doesn't do this.
She keeps on driving down the highway at 65mph, cursing the poor truck for how awful it is driving, wondering what engine problem it could possibly have this time, and thinking that she will tell her husband that his truck is broken and he needs a new one immediately...And the poor tire bouncing down the road at such a high speed won't be able to take it anymore, and it will burst.
Now again, most people who blow a tire on the highway will probably grasp the wheel tightly at 10 and 2 in order to steady the car and once the car is under control, they will steer it slowly over to the shoulder. A crazy woman driver doesn't do this, either.
She will close her eyes, scream, and let go of the wheel while waving her hands frantically in in the air.
Every time I hear Carrie Underwood's "Jesus take the Wheel" I think of this moment in my life. Although, I am pretty sure I didn't say 'Jesus take the wheel' as much as I screamed out "Oh my God! Oh my God!" Luckily, He heard that as a cry for help and not a curse on His name because I somehow made it across three lanes to the shoulder without harming anyone else or myself.
But isn't that how a cry to God for help always is? When you have dug yourself so deep into a hole and your situation is so messed up that you can't see a way out of it, you say, "God, help me! Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it! I trust that you will save me from this disaster!" But when things start going well again, you stop listening to God's direction as much. When things are under control, you are confident in your own abilities again, and you start to build your relationship with God like a Burger King combo--cutting out all of the "extra" stuff that you don't want anymore or like as much.
We have no problem giving full control of our life over to God when we have turned it all to crap. We struggle a lot with letting go of the control when it's going good and we think we've got it all figured out on our own.
And I am finding that it is even harder to give over complete control when you are responsible for so many things on your own. When your husband is deployed, you are suddenly given a whole bunch of roles you didn't have before. All of day to day stuff is all up to you. All of the big stuff is all up to you too. If it's going to happen, you have to do it. I am afraid to give up control, because if I'm not running the show, then how the heck is the show going to go on?! I have never necessarily been a control freak before, but I feel like I could be turning into one.
I don't want that for myself. And I don't ever want to exalt myself to the point of thinking that I can do anything better than God could do it for me. Because here is the truth:
-When I am struggling, God rescues me.
-When I am thriving, it is because God is blessing me.
-When I am working through the bad, God is working overtime.
-When I am basking in the good, God is still working.
-When I am screwing it all up, God is fixing it.
-When I am getting it right, it is because God is in the driver's seat. :)
A little side note here, it has been years since the aforementioned incident occured. I have gotten better at driving, but it is because I avoid driving on the highway. And even so, I probably still get the finger a lot more than most people should :)