Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Your friend, the flake
I read the following article that a facebook friend had posted to her status and I just had to share it.
I have to admit that while I was reading it, I was chuckling to myself thinking "I pity this woman for the wake-up call she will receive when she has her own children." But I also was thinking about how guilty I as a mother feel about the pitiful friend that I truly am.
I am an awful, flaky friend. Of course, I am not this way on purpose. My children are not an excuse for me to bail out--they are a bonafide reason. But even so, when I have to cancel on a friend, or turn down an offer to get together, or simply realize that it has been months since I have even called, I feel pretty cruddy about it.
Motherhood has honestly sucked the life out of me. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed, I am catering to someone else's wants and needs. The schedule I have created for me and my two children is our lifeline and my source of sanity. Wake up, breakfast, dress, morning activity, lunch, nap time, snack, afternoon activity, supper, evening play, bathtime, bedtime, my shower, dishes, housekeeping, quiet time, sleep, repeat. This is at least my ideal schedule. Notice I didn't pencil in tantrums, blowouts, etc into my list. Sometimes I am able to squeeze an extra errand in there. Occasionally I can find time to write a blog. But for the most part, if you want to know "what I do all day," refer to my list.
As horrible as it sounds, sometimes penciling friend-time into my schedule feels like one more chore to check off of the to-do list. Mom-ing takes all of my energy and most of my day. But I am not just a mom. I am a wife, a friend, a volunteer and an individual who also needs to find time for herself inspite of all my other relational obligations. But because my scale is so poorly balanced, someone-be it my husband, my friends, or myself- is ultimately going to get the short end of the stick.
Most of my friends (mostly mothers themselves) understand this and I would venture to guess, feel the same way I do. So to all of you, and you know exactly who you are, THANK YOU for your friendship, patience, fogiveness and understanding.
Thank you for inviting me to dinner, even though you know there's no way in the world I can go. Your invitations make me feel wanted and valued as a person and not just as a mother.
Thank you for meeting with me to chat-be it at a coffee, playdate, etc. I know that it must be frustrating to carry on a conversation with a person who has to leave it every fifteen seconds to chase after a child. Your adult conversation means everything to me and I always look forward to it.
Thank you for always meeting me at my house for dinner or a movie or whatever. I know my house is not at all the most exciting place in the world to hang out, but you realize how convenient it is for me to be home and how I truly do want to be "present" when I finally am able to fit you in.
Thank you for being my friend, in spite of the fact that I hardly ever call, text, message, or communicate in any form or fashion. I love you. You are dear to me. I TRULY value your company AND I MISS YOU!!
Thank you to all of you, who when we finally do get a chance to hang out/talk on the phone, have to listen to me talk about my children THE ENTIRE TIME. I know you probably don't want to hear about their poo incidents, their doctor appointments, their temper tantrums, their ballet class, etc. Thank you for listening, anyway!
And mostly thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for continuing to reach out to a horrible, flaky friend like me.